RUSSELL TOVEY - No.450

...a fractured fairytale sort of...

George: I'd like to buy um, a cage please?
Man: How big?
George: Big enough for a large dog.

Man: No worries mate we get a lot of orders for cages from the BDSM crowd.
George: *embarrassed* No honestly, we just like things "doggy style".

George takes tranquillizers to sleep through "that time of the month." Sadly, George hasn't yet managed to cope with Nina or Annie's monthly cycles and decides sleep is the only option! Nina (Sinead Keenan) gets really tetchy sometimes...

George: Can we hurry this up Nina? I have to be at the toboggan run by 6pm and paintball by 7. I just love paintball you can't expect me to give it up just like that!

Nina: If you come home with your clothes smelling like paint and thinners again tonight, I'm leaving you!

George: Fair enough Nina.

*thinks* I'll ditch my clothes and come home naked!

After a night of painting the town an exhausted, naked and disorientated George stumbles upstairs in the dark and ends up sleeping on the floor in his new cage. He wakes and discovers Nina has finally left him after all he had refused to give up "the turps".

George: *thinks* I know I was successful with my last love poem so I'll write one for Nina and she'll be bound to take me back but I just can't get this darn rhyme right...
Something, something, fragrant hair...
Like Shane Warne, yeah, yeah...


Annie (Lenora Crichlow) rouses George into action and gets him out of bed.

Annie: George I want you to get some professional relationship advice. No moping all day in this bed! I want you fed, dressed and downstairs by 2pm ready to watch Oprah!


George: Mmm, lunch is served. I forgot my pickle! Oops, no...I didn't! Yep...Nope!

*shouts* Hey Annie, have you seen my pickle?

Annie: George we've all seen your pickle!

Later that night...Mitchell (Aidan Turner) and Annie tell George to get a hobby to take his mind off Nina.
George: What kind of hobby should I get?
Mitchell: Something practical. Chicks dig guys who are practical.

George decides to take up furniture assemblage since he has spent many moonlight nights tearing it apart, it seems only fair. So, he buys a table from the local IKEA but after 10 mins of trying to decipher the instructions he ends up in a foetal position on the couch.

George takes the table back to the shop and lets the customer relations guy know what he thinks of their product.
Man: Is sir unhappy?
George: You think!

After much soul searching George goes to Adult Education and takes a course in tap dancing while juggling fruit. This lands him in a Broadway musical playing the role of Peter Allen in "The Boy From Oz."
George: *sings* When my baby...when my baby smiles at me I go to Rio...Rio De Jeneiro..


After this, Nina decides she loves George after all. Annie and Nina team up with George and after a few choreography lessons become his backing dancers. They go on a world tour signing autographs and walking the red carpet at every venue. They all live happily ever after - even Mitchell - he breaks into the movies playing "The Invisble Man."
THE END